okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
