He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
