Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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