I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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