shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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