my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
