i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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