You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she smelled like a LAN party
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
