I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
