Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
