The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
