I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do vagina's smell?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
