Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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