you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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