if i can run in heels then i can drive
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
