I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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