Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
