On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
