I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
