weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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