Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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