why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
