I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
