I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
