I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
