Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
