His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
