i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
