i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
