that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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