Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
