last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
