Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
