i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
