Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
