Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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