good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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