I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
