Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
