she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
