I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
