dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
