Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
