I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
