I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
