k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
