I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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