The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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