and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
