I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
