Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
